Monday, February 18, 2013

What I want.

What I want has been on my mind today.  Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut and colored.  I've not ever had my hair professionally colored.  It's been highlighted professionally, but never colored.  I made this appointment three months ago before my hubby finished his medical residency with the faith that I'd be able afford the appointment.  Well tomorrow is the appointment and I've got just enough in my bank account to cover it; not quite what I was expecting.  I'm not rolling in dollar bills, or finding I have tons extra cash that allows me to just buy at will.  In its place are a long list of expenses already committed, a long list of items in our home that need to be replaced, and the infamous debt.  When I think of all the expenses to come the next year, it gets totally overwhelming so I'm working on expenses one week at a time.  I'm no where near coming up with a budget for our family because our income is still somewhat unpredictable.

I'm trying not to be a downer because many families never have that payout or nest egg that starts to help them get ahead, but the debt incurred while putting a husband through a five year residency while staying in a home meant for an attending physician packed on a financial burden not for the faint in heart. 

The past few weeks I've felt as though we're on the path to recovery not just financially, but in all aspects of my life.  This is the first Monday where my day has been relatively without pain.  Last week I had an epidural injection in my spine with the help of a CT scan on the right side where my butt dimple is located.  I've been in considerable pain since I was about 28 week pregnant.  Lexi will be 10 months new next week, so I've been in considerable pain for over a year now.  Having the pain mostly gone now has made me realize what tremendous pain I've been in all this time.  I didn't realize how much you hurt when its chronic and you hurt all the time.  This injection was only meant to give me relief but is not a cure.  My hope is that my body will heal itself, but if it doesn't, with this relief, I'll keep returning for the injections.   Yesterday I sat through church without pain.

Catriona's second bunny died today; her other one died just two weeks ago.  It's a cold day outside and Kelly, Catriona, and Tristan are headed out in the dark to bury the second bunny.  I don't want to leave the baby alone in here so I'm sending my condolences from the warm home. 

Back to what I want.  Today what I want is to just not be in pain.  I want to appreciate my wonderful life, husband, and beautiful children. Today I want to be content with where I'm at as a mother and professionally.  Today I want to have a better plan for tomorrow.  Today I want to be thankful for my beautiful home.