Tuesday, April 29, 2014

As a postMormon, I love weekends!

"Every path is the right path. Everything could've been anything else and it would have just as much meaning."
- Mr. Nobody

Kelly and I finished what took us several days to watch Mr. Nobody on Netflix.  We sometimes get a small window of time to chilax at night after kids are all in bed which seems to get later and later during spring and summer. Mr. Nobody is one of the first rated R movies I've watched since I was in my early twenties during a brief rebellion, but with my belief in tact.  I've lived the principle of not watching rated R movies with an A+ grade until now.  I prefer to check reviews for why it's rated R because I've never preferred excessive violence in movies, and I turned down a movie the other night because one review said it included the F word hundreds of times, a word I also don't prefer in every sentence.  So, Mr. Nobody it was.  What a beautiful part of the movie at the end when he gives the quote above.  

Our family has now had four weekends without church activity.  Active membership in the church slowly increases as a person ages until one day, you realize that every day involves worship of the church in some way, multiple times a day, and one day my mind must have said...wait a minute here.  This trajectory is not improving and appears to only celebrate more and more and more and more. As a totally believing and dedicated mother with an active husband, and four children it sort of sneaks up on you.  Granted, being relief society president is especially demanding as an unpaid volunteer job, but once that job is done, there is another, and another, and another unpaid volunteer job to take its place, or it may be your husbands turn for a super demanding unpaid volunteer job.  As the children age, having a large family starts to show the cumulative effects as demands increase with each child.  One reason why I'm so thankful for this job is that I think it helped my secure doubt shelf to become unstable..... which was a good thing.

Weekends are a kind of trial and error for us at this point.  A few days ago, on Sunday, Kelly and I each had a five hour block of time to leave and just "be" while the other cared for our children.  To do anything that we wanted or needed to do..within reason.  We used to do this one afternoon a week on alternating weeks during another chapter of our marriage many years ago when my hubby was in med school and I was running a group home (long story), and it seemed to help.  For my G.A.W. (see an earlier post for what this is) time, I elected to go for a  long walk and hang out at my office which I rarely visit as I do most my work from home with children all over and distractions in abundance.  Even as I type this my 2 year old is temporarily occupied with a toy.  Kelly, during his G.A.M. time, elected to go for a walk down UNC's Franklin street to see what the street we've known about for years had to offer, but never had the emotional space to explore.   http://www.downtownchapelhill.com/

So far, there are moments when our tension is high as we try to settle into a new pattern for our weekends.  With children, and especially with having a two year old, we likely won't settle into any hard and fast routines, but having so many more options has been wonderful.  I'm finding myself enjoying time with my children more.  
Do I miss church and the edited doctrine?  No.  
Do I miss seeing people I love every week? Yes.  
Do I want to go back every week?  No.
Will I ever go back to visit?  Maybe to say hello.  
Would I want to see the members I love again?  Sure, any time they'd like to do lunch, or a movie, or a night out.  
Do I miss the organized way to serve others?  Yes. 
Have I found another avenue to do this?  Individually yes.  As a group venture, not yet.  
Do I know there are other options in my community for service without religion?  Absolutely.  

I don't miss the stress of going to church meetings at the break of dawn on Sundays, and having my husband in charge of getting all the kids in their Sunday best by 8:30 AM, or better yet by 12:30 so they could endure a long afternoon during our babies nap time.  I also don't miss trying to "help" my kids keep the Sabbath day Holy, and how much I dreaded Sundays for that reason for two decades.
Sunday evening I've been rested and ready to start the week.  Our family time has increased.  Time with each other alone has increased.  Weekends seem to last in a good way, and the start of the new week is met with being well rested instead of roasted.  

Is it still a day of rest?  Sure, I like setting apart a day for rest, or my interpretation of what that means for me and my family.

Alright, my 2 year old just discovered mommy is on a screen, so gotta go.  Thanks for reading ya'll!!!

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