Monday, April 7, 2014

ExMormons = The Boogie Man

Yesterday while many of my friends and family chose to watch conference, I spent time exploring many of my fears and teachings as a child that were good, and those that were not so good.  One thing I was taught as a child was that ex-mormons are bad.  Don't even listen to what they have to say because they are led by Satan.  They will confuse your mind and cause you great distress.  They will make it hard to get to the Celestial Kingdom.  They will take you away from the temple.

I'm SO thankful today that I turned away from fear and listened to their experiences with an objective mind and open heart.  I am finally learning what people mean by being open minded.

Yesterday, I had the privilege of getting to know the Anderson family by reading their story and watching their video.

And Ariane,

and Chris,

Tears came to my eyes as I'm very alone on this journey with my extended family, but fortunate to be united with my immediate family.  Looking into the eyes of these wonderful people who have been brave enough to make a video about their discovery about Mormonism.  Chris was so faithful just as I was until the day he "woke up".  Eric Anderson gave me compassion for what my sweet husband must have endured because he loved me and knew it had to be my experience, and Ariane, wonderful Ariane for opening up a sealed up doubt file years ago about my frustrations in teaching heavy doctrine to the beautiful 4 year olds' I was entrusted with.

Yesterday was full of emotions.  I had to grieve how I felt last conference to this conference.  I felt an abundance of joy in anticipation of my life ahead with my beautiful family.  In the morning, I was in tears curled up in my bed after an extended family member called me a tree hugging Christian.  Actually, I'm a born again Agnostic, but I understood how it felt for my ancestors to be ridiculed for what they believe on a whole new level.  I felt her pain that I no longer believe any of what she feels so strongly about.  I grieved that I no longer believe not because I want to be back, but that the road ahead will cause many people I've loved throughout my life to question my integrity and honesty, and to view me as an outsider.  But, just as my ancestors were brave, I too am brave and strong.  I'm also weak.  I'm human.

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