Monday, April 14, 2014

G.A.M. and G.A.W.

Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.

Yesterday my hubby had several deliveries from Amazon.  He took the initiative to buy some of his own clothes.  As much as he and I like to admit it, he's always had an aversion to shopping for his own clothes, and I've always naturally assumed the role of getting clothes for him.  With our relationship shifting, with me declaring independence from the faith of my fathers', I've started to identify that my husband is a grown ass man or what I like to call a GAM.  Now, I still rarely, if ever, say curse words just in standard writing and found my tongue to be excellent at preserving curse words for only the most heated of disagreements with my spouse. I still don't prefer cursing in every day language, but this acronym just works for what we're both experiencing.  

My husband is losing the wife he's grown accustomed to.  In many ways, we are starting a new relationship, and are now trying to navigate a new season of life together.  This leaves both of us feeling frustrated at times, but also has had unexpected side effects; that we're finally just friends to each other instead of being in the position of raising each other.  It's taking work and practice, but we're both getting better and better every day!

With us getting married at 19 and 20, and with a devout belief system of mine in the LDS faith, and with my husband's desire to follow his heart and conform despite his gifted rationale mind - we both became parents for each other, and we both conformed to the expectations of an inherited belief system.  To each other, we're both now approaching the age of personal identity and independence from our adopted values and belief systems. With me "coming out" in March about my lack of knowledge, belief, or concerns with anything after this life, he has found himself in a new phase also of getting to be completely himself around me.  

Now, when he says, can I go for a hike, I respond with, "you're a grown ass man, what do you want to do?".  Since I still struggle with curse words, I prefer, "you're a GAM, what do you want to do?"  He's doing the same with me finding the GAW in my life being a grown ass woman.  Much easier said than done.

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